Kirei
by Kyoka-BOO
Summary: A relationship can start out of nothing a simple kiss to the cheek, maybe. It's only when fate tears at your heart and you're crumbling from inside that you know it's love. [TezukaxFuji, Drabbles]


Author's note: Yes. I don't own it. Please review. These are more like drabbles, but they're supposed to show (in some vague manner) of how Fuji and Tezuka's relationship grows over time.

Disclaimer: In this fanfiction, lines from different songs were used in order to help move the plot line along. The song names and artists are here. The song lines will be bolded. They are as follows:

Suki da nante ienai- Fayray

If you still believe- Legend of Dragoon

Zachem ya- Tatu

Michiyuki- Loveless- Yui Horie

Surrender- Evanescence

Listen to the Rain- Evanescence

* * *

** Kirei**

**Suki da nante ienai**_ I can't say that I love you_

Tezuka wonders sometimes what exactly their love is. As the snow falls gently, he lets a soft smile creep onto his features. Nobody sees, not even Fuji. Delicate is their bond, for Fuji does his best not to test it. Their trust within each other is strengthened by attending practices together, and in ways, facing off on the court. Sometimes he has to wonder what to make of it when Fuji leans over and kisses him on the cheek. Tezuka once worked so hard to keep himself near the appearance of being emotionless. Now all those emotions are locked away beneath barriers.

And he wonders why exactly he still can't reach out and touch Fuji.

Like ripples through water, the image is distorted and life slowly falls back to a meticulous pattern.

He can't say that he loves Fuji just yet.

**Skazhi zachem ya zhdu zvonka**_ Say, why am I waiting for a phone call?_

Fuji likes when he gets phone calls from Tezuka. That day it's raining outside when he calls. Yumiko's distant voice calls out to him. "Shuusuke-kun, there's a friend on the telephone for you." His sister's voice has always been calming, holding the sort of kindness only older sisters can harbor. Yuuta must've been in a bad mood today, because he pouts on the couch grumbling slightly about how the phone calls are _always_ for Shuusuke.

"Moshi moshi, Tezuka-kun."

They have a wireless phone, so Fuji is allowed to venture upstairs with it. Absentmindedly, he sits down at the chair by his desk and stares out the window, still smiling. The sky is a gloomy gray, but by the way he looks at it, the sun's filtering through the window on a nice Spring day.

"I was wondering if you'd like to do something this weekend."

Fuji is usually the one who asks such things, so Fuji is slightly surprised. _Sure, that would be nice._

"Of course."

Maybe an innocent bystander would've said it would have been unfair for Fuji to call it a date. Fuji didn't think so, and somehow, Tezuka didn't mind.

**Bokura wa mou yume wo minai**_ We will dream no more._

Tezuka wakes up panting. It was only a nightmare, but still, he is shaken by it. Unconsciously, his arms tighten around Fuji. It's one of those nights where Fuji decided to stay the night—a storm caught him off guard. Their position is innocent, lying next to each other fully clothed. Tezuka likes it.

Fuji stirs. "Ku-ni-mi-tsu…" He speaks each part of the name by syllable, the word taking a while to come off his tongue. Fuji's tired—he isn't even very coherent at the time. A moment later he blinks, waking up slightly. Somehow, Fuji is always able to sense his distress, no matter how well Tezuka cloaks it. Smoothing Fuji's bangs, he shakes his head. Pensively brushing his fingers across the boy's forehead,it takes him a minute or two to respond. He debates about whether or not he should lie.

"It's nothing, Fuji. Go back to sleep." Fuji nods a little and yawns, but seems somehow to think better of it.

He must've sensed Tezuka's lie, somewhere deep down. It leaves Tezuka in confusion. Nobody can see past his barriers.

"But-"

"Don't worry."

He silences him with a kiss to the forehead.

"It was only a dream."

**If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love.**

Fuji sighs, softer than the wind. Of course, Tezuka just has to leave. He seems emotionless, as always. Fuji sees through it. Stable, calm Tezuka will miss Fuji, too. He doesn't want Tezuka to go so far away. Oishi will do a fine job at managing the club while Tezuka is away, but something tells Fuji that things won't be the same when Tezuka is away. Life is empty without the captain, the person whom Fuji has grown to be so greatly entralled within. Both are ensnared within, but they're too caught up with it to try and untangle themselves from it. Even if it were to mean their own downfall, they couldn't leave it behind. Fuji runs of to Tezuka, hugging him tightly from behind and nuzzling into his back. Tezuka pauses.

I will wait for you…

"You're going to come back, right? If we go to nationals without you, things won't be the same."

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

They never even shared an "I love you."

Exchanging one last kiss and a farewell, Fuji sighs and walks onward. _Good luck in Germany._

**Darling, there's no sense in running.**

At one point, Tezuka might have wanted to escape from the relationship. Fuji smiles all the time, and takes what he has without complaint. Tezuka, on the other hand, questions it not because he isn't grateful, but because he is cautious. The waters of their relationship have been tested before, and sometimes things seem shaky. Tezuka doesn't want to dive into the unknown. He can do nothing with as much vehemence as he can play tennis. His hand is placed on Fuji's shoulder, but sometimes he feels empty. If he were to kiss anyone, it would be Fuji.

Tonight, they've agreed they'll tell Fuji's parents. His hand grips Fuji's a little tighter. Fuji, beneath his smiling semblance, is worried for his life of what his parents might say. After all, it isn't every day that somebody's young son, a prodigy, will willingly admit that he is gay. They've been together long now. They've graduated junior high. A few years have gone by. Still, Fuji was unsure to tell his parents. His resolution finally was that his parents deserved to know.

But...

Did that really mean Fuji had to say it with him here? Then again, it was supposed to be reinforcement.

_They loved each other._

Giving Fuji's hand a comforting squeeze, he comforted by looking him in the eyes. Others may have seen it as just another emotionless stare, but Fuji knew better. Fuji Shuusuke had known better for many years.

Tezuka would always be determined, and he knew there was no backing down now.

**Please, don't let go, can't we stay for a while?**

Fuji clings to Tezuka in the rain. It's dark out. Dark and cold.

"Kunimitsu, I love you..."

The whisper disappears into the night as if its never been said. Tezuka looks like he's ready to scoff at it. Unaware of the arms firmly around him, he stares off into the distance. Does that simple fact make it any easier. Does it change what's going to happen. No. Fuji's just being childish. Fuji has always been able to sense his emotions, but for now it wasn't as if he cared. Quelling his upset inner self, he sighed. Fuji really was acting like a child.

"Shuusuke, stop acting like a kid. I'm going to America. Why can't you just say goodbye."

Fuji looks very angry by this. Teeth clenched, he grabs Tezuka by the collar. His voice rises with emotion.

"It's not that! Why won't you let me go with you. I've told you before I'll follow you. I'll follow you no matter what. There's tears in both their eyes now, not just Fuji's. "It's unfair! You always have to be so stupid!"

Tezuka feels as if he'd be ruining Fuji's life if he took him with to America. For that reason, he pushes him forcefully away, despite the pain.

"You can't come with."

No explanation as to why.

"I need you!"

They kiss, and everything fades away, losing significance little by little. With much more of this, they'll both go crazy, but for once Tezuka doesn't care. Fuji stopped caring a long time ago.

It was then he realized how beautiful it was--no, the both of them realized it.

To be together... for eterity...

That was what they wanted. Perhaps the sad fact was that fate wouldn't allow them that. Even then, they felt the tug of it on their heartstrings. Fate taunted them jeeringly. Fuji's grip tightened considerably around him. Fuji Shuusuke would only let go when he died.


End file.
